i think we are getting a little self righteous...maybe

so i look around the school i work and i am surrounded by many students who classify themselves as "emo"....and another handful trying to be more emo.....
among my questions about this i must say that in the past 3 days i have had to explain to more than a few people exactly what emo even means....these are adults mind you...the kind of adults that once watched mtv but no longer see any point because it no longer plays any music, they were curious about this emo thing. i informed them with what i know. i know that emo is a style of music, generally slow and in my opinion a bit whiny. it is typically classified as a form of alternative music. the music usually sounds like the kind of thing one might slit their wrist to. but those slitting their wrist to this music would be probably doing it "because they see too much pain in their world", or "they are just so sad'. because their life is so hard. did i mention that the majority of emo music listeners are white, upper-middle class teens.

my question comes from where are they getting this poor pitiful me routine from in the first place.....a seemingly disregard for anyone else in the world because clearly they problems are the greatest....their problems of curfew and homework....really....i wish that was the main thing i worried about in my life. so what makes people really think the world spins on axis just for them. now don't get me wrong, i believe in good self esteem and i believe we should think that we are important because i believe we all are, however i also believe we need to recognize where we are standing when we look out.

for example, facebook now has a function that allows a person to know when they are being looked up. i don't even know how to understand how that is a good idea. so we're going to let people believe that someone is always looking them up so they can inturn have breakdown and feel that they have no friends when they realize they are not being constantly searched for. is their purpose to all of this. all these myspace and facebook options, letting you know what everyone you are "friends' with is currently doing, is that necessary......if we need to know what they are doing why not just ask them, with a phone call, email, or even a text message..... doesn't it make you wonder why we all care so much....why are we not existing in the reality we live in, why not make that space better instead of losing sleep over virtual space.

my other real concern is that really people thinks everyone is watching them. we all want to feel that celebrity energy i guess....in regards to what i said above, we want to think they are all watching just us....so we post and do things within a virtual space hoping that someone will be offended or pissed....why because we feel that we have power because we didn't have to say it to their face....

i would just like to say that nobody cares....most people are so concerned now with themselves they have such a hard time realizing their are other people out their with so little.....what privilege to bash someone on online, or tastelessly post pics of something...what privilege to have access to a computer able to do those things and what privilege to have the knowledge to do so....there are still places where myspace doesn't exist and would argue they are just fine without it....really...i guess what i really want to say is moderation and be appropriate, use it for what it is to be used for, not to make ourselves even more self righteous than we already are

or this

....it had to go somewhere

i'd like to say i don't know
what it is the tears are for
i would like i'm wondering
why i'm headed for the door

i feel too old to be scared
like a notion i don't know
and too young to say goodbye
thats an emotion that doesn't go

but i worry for his health
i worry for his soul
that he is left lonely
and believes thats just how it goes

too far away i feel
my choices brought me here
but the thought of returning
makes me have even more fear

i know this time he'll be alright
its just what 'this time' has done to me
worried that he's having fun
living as he needs to be

where is it that he goes when theres a story to share
where does he wander when he has time to spare
honest forgiving, a better man i never knew
from end to beginning, my dad will carry through

evolving

its like its been contorted
it seems to have met a change
its like it almost left me
and as though its not the same

what i want seems different
what i see is something new
a lifestyle i once had
is now becoming something i never knew

i new level of peace
i new level of high
i new sense of release
my hands at my side

its not to say i've lost completly
what is i once help dear
more so i 've traded in the whiskey
and inturn traded in the beer

i would like to think that i can still hold my own
pretty sure i always will
but its a different road i travel
looking for a different fill

so many make assumptions
based on who i used to be
so many seemed confused
with the peace surrounding me

i worry not about that tho
i know it will be clear
i enjoy a life without a haze more often
and simply stated i am here

i feel a lot of bob dylan coming on....so part 1

this song has always said alot to me.....

Song to Woody
Bob Dylan
1962


I'm out here a thousand miles from my home,
Walkin' a road other men have gone down.
I'm seein' your world of people and things,
Your paupers and peasants and princes and kings.

Hey, hey Woody Guthrie, I wrote you a song
'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along.
Seems sick an' it's hungry, it's tired an' it's torn,
It looks like it's a-dyin' an' it's hardly been born.

Hey, Woody Guthrie, but I know that you know
All the things that I'm a-sayin' an' a-many times more.
I'm a-singin' you the song, but I can't sing enough,
'Cause there's not many men that done the things that you've done.

Here's to Cisco an' Sonny an' Leadbelly too,
An' to all the good people that traveled with you.
Here's to the hearts and the hands of the men
That come with the dust and are gone with the wind.

I'm a-leaving' tomorrow, but I could leave today,
Somewhere down the road someday.
The very last thing that I'd want to do
Is to say I've been hittin' some hard travelin' too

a little green

Latley it seems that going green
Has become the newest fashion thing
Good or bad
Its what we have

Paging through the magazine
I see the earth in everything
But the paper is still waxed and coated
Even if the products being promoted
Are covered in green

Little steps are were we begin
But its consciouness that find
We can wear it on our chest
But if we don’t believe the rest
Really, is that still kind

Because the trucks that bring those products still pollute the air
And the people that buy those products still don’t understand that there’s privelege there
The world that is being marketed to me
Is one that I can barely even see
So much I don’t understand
Why they are still trying to discover new land
Instead of just letting it be

Glad to see we are getting somewhere
But I beg that its not the end
Our world is shrinking
And we are losing the abilty to expand

So lets expand the conscoiuness
Lets expand the time
Lets make something of what this is
And lets believe in what we find

i love this song....

this song is from the musical follies by stephen sondheim....the musical is kind of a walk down memeory lane when an old theater is set to be demolished. the song really just makes me smile.....


Good times and bum times,I've seen them all and,
my dear,I'm still here.
Plush velvet sometimes,
Sometimes just pretzels and beer,
But I'm here.I've stuffed the dailies
In my shoes.
Strummed ukuleles,Sung the blues,
Seen all my dreams disappear,
But I'm here.I've slept in shanties,
Guest of the W.P.A.,But I'm here.
Danced in my scanties,Three bucks a night was the pay,
But I'm here.
I've stood on bread lines
With the best,
Watched while the headlines
Did the rest.
In the Depression was I depressed?
Nowhere near.
I met a big financier
And I'm here.
I've been through Gandhi,Windsor and Wally's affair,
And I'm here.
Amos 'n' Andy,Mah-jongg and platinum hair,
And I'm here.
I got through Abie'sIrish Rose,
Five Dionne babies,Major Bowes,
Had heebie-jeebies
For Beebe'sBathysphere.
I lived through Brenda Frazier
And I'm here.
I've gotten through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover,
Gee, that was fun and a half.
When you've been through Herbert and J. Edgar Hoover,
Anything else is a laugh.
I've been through Reno.
I've been through Beverly Hills,And I'm here.
Reefers and vino,
Rest cures, religion and pills,
And I'm here
Been called a pinko
Commie tool,Got through it stinko
By my pool.
I should have gone to an acting school.
That seems clear,Still, someone said,
"She's sincere,"So I'm here.
Black sable one day.
Next day it goes into hock,
But I'm here.T
op billing Monday,Tuesday you're touring in stock,
But I'm here.
First you're anotherSloe-eyed vamp,
Then someone's mother,Then you're camp.
Then you career from career
To career.
I'm almost through my memoirs.
And I'm here.I've gotten through
"Hey, lady, aren't you whoozis?
Wow! What a looker you were.
"Or, better yet, "Sorry, I thought you were whoozis.
Whatever happened to her?"
Good times and bum times,
I've seen 'em all and, my dear,I'm still here.
Flush velvet sometimes,Sometimes just pretzels and beer,
But I'm here.I've run the gamut.A to Z.
Three cheers and dammit,C'est la vie.
I got through all of last year
And I'm here.
Lord knows, at least I was there,
And I'm here!
Look who's here!I'm still here!

****i miss the theater....a lot......